derek178 is now derek yates.

go see him. eleven dollars for the first cut. twenty two after that.
cut, shave, wash, pay. lets keep him at three a day.

then to now. now. but not really. (or as andy said when he was still going by that "i think i did a wrist thing")

now i eye the red button i keep at arms length
in case the next time we run into everyone we know but ourselves
turns out to be us instead of them.

leaving for this.

i miss you. and hugs. and shave ice. mostly i miss hugs. remember when you locked the keys in the car and because of it i found the white bike? that is what life in the city has been like since then. only it doesnt rain as much and the only peacocks are in the zoo and at the midget colony.

seven days too late.

i think im still in love with you.

wait, its a metaphor right? (putting things off until tomorrow.) hey, lee!

nothing flatters more than pedestals. pictures lie. she's tall. its springtime and im in a good mood so i take a chance but as always when it happens she has to make the first move. im taller, and when i realized that i couldnt stop laughing. when i realized that, i couldnt stop smiling. oh god and then you sent an angel and shined a light on her in the middle of it all. open eyes and lips both full and full of thoughts spilling from the place where brain and heart hold hands. i couldnt stop talking, and you looked at me with the quiet amusement of not seeing me since the last time, this case being two years not counting halloween (you in a hurry, me on hallucinogens), we were invisible.

do you remember when we were in the middle of everything i stopped and said i should have five minutes ago? and then you put your finger to my lips right there in the middle of everyone, and told me it was perfect. just you and me bathing in the sea. dark hair that smells like right after it rains, and when we hug my chin touches your lips all flat footed. stuck in eyes laughing with and at life and love and me; i wonder how it was i was able to know you all this time without noticing.

coke coffee toffee cake.

take tokes. stay broke. same jokes i use to drink with. your ass. your class. its first your brain and then your legs i wish i could stay with.

july. (or notes on time travel through voicemail)

i took some time off and traveled. sixteen months of hell, and then i met you. confident and full of grace you bought me a beer and i would have bought you a burrito had i brought my wallet. completing me yet completely unavailable. its not you its me. no. its not me. then again its not really you either.

what it is.

prowless prowess. the left-hands call it game tight.

and like that the asshole becomes the idiot with -tap tap tap tap tap tap- the sounds of the backspace and the smartest move he ever made.

weed party.

dreams. (day/night/day)

public self, private self, self.
destruction. reflection. resurrection.

suddenly i see that the picture on my wall is a door and it leads to a hall full of roots. big, twisted, earthy roots made of flesh weaving and snaking their way around each other to another doorway that is casting a reddish glow and from the room comes a high pitched drone not describable by words, but rather emotions. anger. fear. love. sadness and optimism, seemingly together but separate, i could pick each one out distinctly not so much in layers but in twisting, weaving pulsations like the roots i was unconsciously crawling over to see what was inside the room at the end of the hallway. suddenly i was overcome by every one of those emotions and felt them (it?) weave its way from my through my legs and around my waist and in through my chest. at the edge of the room i peered inside and saw a lady with her mouth sewn shut, and had the unmistakable feeling that this is where it all began.

i dont hate you. i just hate you right now.

the way it seems.

lost in lust, and love's psychotropics we built a cage of gold
and hung ourselves from its bars and died together.

i came back as a caterpillar
you woke up a butterfly.

certainties.

only one thing is certain right now. is sure as shit isnt spring.

for miles and blocks through alleys by your house.

i say mostly for miles because it seems them since i wasnt hung up on some part of you.

i still believe in magic. (here it goes again)

dad said: if you had spent your time on textbooks you would be making movies instead of mix tapes.
i smiled, imagining the sounds i was making turning to ones and zeros before reaching my dad on the other line and said:
without the mixtapes what would i make movies about?

allusions too.
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katrina

katrina needs a new home. she is a frame of mystical power. $150.00 57cm.

hypemachine thursday the twentyfirst two thousand eight 11:00pm

She & him- i was made for you.
Dolly parton tracks of my tears
Lillica libertine- Britney spears
Bon iver-skinny love
Bon iver flume
Weezer- you gave your love to me softly
Eisley i could be there for you
Stook- seasonal affective disorder
St. Vincent- marry me
The jane bradfords- hide from the cold
The hykkers- i want a break thru

the universe has a real fucked up sense of humor
this week. so bad that i wrote about
it for an hour yesterday and as soon as i scribbled
the last period, i heard my bicycle tire pop in the
next room. also, why is it that middle aged women like
kevin costner movies so much?

day.

morning.





training tranquil chum wine box resilience cocoons weedbutter
transcendence poor grammar english spanish. class. left right
thirtyonehundred fox farms 500 ml segue portland
spell check rif raf vocabulary scavange!





afternoon.

it was a good dance

i dug out a box of old polaroids today. i misplaced 100' of film i need to finish a movie. see, the box i thought i put it in before i left was filled with four pairs of size ten and a half shoes when i got home. soon you wont be able to buy polaroid film but if you get your hands on any hide it before you leave and sublet your apartment for two weeks over sundance or you might end up with shoes. you cant instantly capture your life with shoes, especially shoes that dont fit. i have been through every box in my apartment twice and called everyone i know who would know anything about this film. ill probably find it in a box somewhere in a month and feel like a real asshole.

its sunny in the city.

chin up. chin up. chin up.
push up. push up. push up.
sit up sit up sit up.

when i can grow a beard ill be ready.

....

proof.